Japan Day 6 – Dysfunctions Encountered So Far

As a dysfunctional person, this kind of trip poses me a huge challenge. Apart having been anxious and sleep deprived, there has been many other issues too, and today’s video talks about that.┬áCheck it out:

Still not 100 % comfortable in front of camera, or more importantly in front of people, but pretty close already.

As far as this video’s content goes, there isn’t too much to add. I don’t know how much people there are like me, with years of pain and isolation under their belt, with severe problems dealing with people and modern world, but for them its probably something similar to me to expect.

Travel isn’t all fun for us. Well, very few things are. But it’s one of those things that if we can just get our head sorted enough, it can be rewarding. But it has not looked pretty all the time this time around either, and I think struggles are not over yet.

So yeah, what do I exactly mean with the first dysfunction, pain? It’s just my way of putting it – something in my past links up with the present moment and I get fast in a deeply unhappy state. This happened, for example, when we were eating at a restaurant in Hiroshima. The meal was okay, though a bit smallish, and that was pretty much all I was thinking then, but for whatever reason something drew me into angry state and made me want to just escape the situation.

I took some isolated time while I observed this weird feeling – cause I don’t really like feeling unhappy. It feels wrong. I’m in fucking Japan on an adventure. It’s one thing to feel tense and anxious about the challenge, whole other to get angry all the sudden for no reason. I managed to calm down and figured it was just something in it that reminded me of some past event that has pain attached to it. Hard to say exactly, this is just kitchen psychology. I will need to introspect much more to fully explain it. Maybe in few years once the pain has started fully dissolving.

As far as the other dysfunction goes, that I at least know how to heal – it’s just a matter of forcing it and getting practice. I learned to communicate authentically through internet by that way. Trace back some 18 months and I would have felt uncomfortable even talking on the internet without putting some shtick on. Now my chats online are 100 % just my thoughtstream with very little filtering. Hopefully I can fuse that same process in with some conversational skills, and I will be good to go even with social situations.

Even with all that said, there’s a lot of work to be done, and if you are in the same position, I hope you are willing to commit to work on it. Whether your way to go about it is plunging into world travel like me or just chatting up strangers in your neighborhood, you need to take action to achieve results.

It’s possible for anyone, that’s for sure. My life has completely turned around from the gaming nerd who couldn’t talk to anyone I was 18 months ago.


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