Courage and Fear in Modern Society

It’s time for the long-awaited bungy jumping video, and some other reflections related to it. This time I don’t have much of an intro, I think I nailed the video this time even though technically it’s not done well (the speaking part was just shot using a phone and holding it in hand – the bungy itself is HD shot with multiple cameras by AJ Hackett). I think I did a good job communicating my message anyway.

So check the video out:

As for the “tomorrow’s video”, well it never got made – by the time I was in Malaysia I had gotten reaally sick. Way too sick to be sleeping on the station floors or walking around KL with 10 kg backpack. Thankfully my ex loaded me up with enough drugs to take out an elephant so I held over for the nearly 24 hour transit back home. Not fun to be sick while travelling, but then again would there be a better timing for it anyway?

But enough about KL, let’s go back for a moment to that moment in Macau. I step on the edge and look down. It has been a long wait to get there. I was early at the tower in comparison to the jump time. I had just sit for a long time with the crowd of people staring at me, along with the other few guys and a girl that were lining up to jump down. ┬áThinking of what mess I had gotten myself into. I felt like I did a good job maintaining outward calm, but my bubble had been bursted when one of the guys of the staff came to get me. “Why you so serious man? You scared?”

Whether I had been scared or not then was irrelevant now that I had stepped to the edge. Cause this was being scared. This was being fucking scared. I look down into the drop of over 700 feet and all the blood tries to escape my body, as if not wanting anything to do with it. Complete numbness overwhelms my insides as my reptilian brain screams at me. “Take a step back. TAKE A STEP THE FUCK BACK.”

You can hardly blame it. It doesn’t realize I’m all strapped up and a rope will stop my fall. It merely wants to preserve my life.

I briefly blame my mom for not stopping me getting these stupid ideas before the countdown starts. I am in position to jump. Five, four, three, two, one. I gotta say it is pretty savvy, the way they send you out. The loud countdown gives you just enough social pressure to do it. To nudge you through the fear. I didn’t really jump right by leaning forward as you are supposed, I was so stiff with fear I merely dropped down. It didn’t matter, gravity handled the rest.

As for the jump itself, the moment I was off the edge all the fear subsided cause there was no room for it any more. Just a few second of intense consciousness as my body raced towards ground. The rope stopping my descent didn’t really feel bad. You would imagine it is abrupt, but it felt smooth enough to me. But then again I was falling fast so what’s smooth in those speeds anyway?

I didn’t let out a sound the whole way. After saying goodbye on the edge (you can’t hear the things I say cause I muted the video so that the background music they put didn’t clash with my own background music – you didn’t miss much aside me saying awkwardly “awesome”, the goodbye before the jump and the countdown) I was just quiet the whole time until at some point I just put all the emotions concisely into one sentence “Holy shit…” while hanging from the rope.

Would I do it again? Sure, I would do it. But don’t mistake that I think I did something brave that matters. I did something brave that gives me an adrenaline rush and empowers me – the brave things that change life for myself and for others are different. In many ways, they take more courage anyway than dropping down from a ledge, and they need that more courage applied repeatedly, day in, day out.

Thanks for tuning in this week, drop me a comment and let me know what you thought!

2 Responses to “Courage and Fear in Modern Society”

  1. Sergio Felix February 23, 2014 at 7:37 pm #

    Holy fucking shit man, that was massive at more than 200 meters!

    I remember when I first jumped I was shitting bricks and it was only 50 meters high haha

    Awesome video dude, totally loved it!

    Sergio

  2. simona February 26, 2014 at 7:45 am #

    awesome

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