Sorry guys, cant do the video today – have shot it, but editing etc. will have to come later. I will keep doing the videos every day, but theres no telling when I will get behind a proper internet, so youre going to have to be patient for a while.
Im in a house now with no wifi.
So the updates will all come in a bundle in few days, and I will keep doing the videos daily.
As a dysfunctional person, this kind of trip poses me a huge challenge. Apart having been anxious and sleep deprived, there has been many other issues too, and today’s video talks about that. Check it out:
Still not 100 % comfortable in front of camera, or more importantly in front of people, but pretty close already.
As far as this video’s content goes, there isn’t too much to add. I don’t know how much people there are like me, with years of pain and isolation under their belt, with severe problems dealing with people and modern world, but for them its probably something similar to me to expect.
Travel isn’t all fun for us. Well, very few things are. But it’s one of those things that if we can just get our head sorted enough, it can be rewarding. But it has not looked pretty all the time this time around either, and I think struggles are not over yet.
So yeah, what do I exactly mean with the first dysfunction, pain? It’s just my way of putting it – something in my past links up with the present moment and I get fast in a deeply unhappy state. This happened, for example, when we were eating at a restaurant in Hiroshima. The meal was okay, though a bit smallish, and that was pretty much all I was thinking then, but for whatever reason something drew me into angry state and made me want to just escape the situation.
I took some isolated time while I observed this weird feeling – cause I don’t really like feeling unhappy. It feels wrong. I’m in fucking Japan on an adventure. It’s one thing to feel tense and anxious about the challenge, whole other to get angry all the sudden for no reason. I managed to calm down and figured it was just something in it that reminded me of some past event that has pain attached to it. Hard to say exactly, this is just kitchen psychology. I will need to introspect much more to fully explain it. Maybe in few years once the pain has started fully dissolving.
As far as the other dysfunction goes, that I at least know how to heal – it’s just a matter of forcing it and getting practice. I learned to communicate authentically through internet by that way. Trace back some 18 months and I would have felt uncomfortable even talking on the internet without putting some shtick on. Now my chats online are 100 % just my thoughtstream with very little filtering. Hopefully I can fuse that same process in with some conversational skills, and I will be good to go even with social situations.
Even with all that said, there’s a lot of work to be done, and if you are in the same position, I hope you are willing to commit to work on it. Whether your way to go about it is plunging into world travel like me or just chatting up strangers in your neighborhood, you need to take action to achieve results.
It’s possible for anyone, that’s for sure. My life has completely turned around from the gaming nerd who couldn’t talk to anyone I was 18 months ago.
Japan trip keeps going, this time updating from Hiroshima:
So yeah, creativity can be brute-forced to some extent, but when you reach certain state it really needs “higher” frame of mind and thus needs to be replenished. Not exactly my ideal video, I will have to do some brainstorming to improve, but it adds to the practice of doing videos on public spaces.
As always, let me know what you think, and I’ll be hitting you again tomorrow, though my ability to upload the videos daily is really under threat in Kyoto.
Again, gonna keep this short cause I’m really running low on both time and energy. Here’s my daily video:
I don’t really have much to add, not much coherence left in my brain. In any case, I don’t think there’s any need to tell people that they’d have potential to do more, but to make them really believe in it, perhaps a challenge like this is in order. Probably my real reserves are even way beyond this, but I just need to train to get there.
Let me know what you think and I’ll respond to comments when I can.
What’s up? Time for third update from Japan journey. If I counted correctly, 16 updates left to be done – so we are bit over one seventh in. Time really passes by in a blaze, yet at the same time the challenge ahead of me still feels big. 16 more videos? In front of people? Endless bullshit about getting your travel handled? Forced social situations with strangers?
Definitely challenging time in front of me. But I know it does good for me.
In tonight’s video I talk about what I’m doing at that moment – about talking in front of a crowd.
So yeah, it’s getting super late again so I’m keeping this brief, so that I maybe could get lavish 3½ hours of sleep (I swear if I don’t improve this soon I will just die). Only thing I have to add to the video is that the improvement in mental approach to making videos has been really fast given it was only second time in front of a crowd. Meaning that the initial threshold isn’t even that bad, if you just stick it out.
I can see it becoming ease by the end of the trip, but guess there’s always a little anxiety. It might even be expandable to many other concepts.
Today’s video contains finally all the parts I want my videos to contain. But unfortunately, the content itself isn’t the most solid. But I’ll let you decide, check out the video below:
It didn’t turn out too bad, though the casually took shots of the scenery etc with camera shaking really gave it a bit home videoy quality. Also, like I said, the content itself was a little half-baked. I had not really thought through what I wanted to convey – I’m sure people get the basic idea I’m trying to convey, given it’s not anything new.
But oh well, I was getting really disintegrated mentally when the intense sleep deprivation (11 hours of sleep over last three nights combined) combined with the pressure of actually being in public speaking situation for a chance. This negatively affected my Finnish video too. It’s gonna take a while to get used to that, but I’m certain I will be further pushed if I’m to complete my challenge.
Enough explaining the video, lets further elaborate some points.
I focused on losing the moment side of things when just focusing to capture the moment, but there’s another aspect many people like to take pictures of themselves in attractions – ego. I mean lets face it, there’s really no need for anyone to take a picture of themselves in certain location to have people believe they were there. Besides, what does it even matter?
I’m not saying it’s all bad, but it often is a symptom that travel is used as a means of enhancing ones ego.
I will be elaborating on that a lot more, probably on tomorrow’s video.
Let me know what you think of this kind of half-thought idea, shoot it full of holes if you want.
And yes, I do get the irony of complaining of stuff like this when I’m doing this kind of self-documentary.
First day has been completed! And yes, I did manage my video, among managing to get into the wrong train twice, haha. I’m super exhausted now but I’m soon able to go to bed. I really had to do the today’s subject during my travel and during the day. Also, Stonehenge has been spotted at Osaka – see vid for further details.
Pushing Through Resistance
Check the video below first before we delve further into our subject.
Fun shit, huh? I’m soon gonna link my Malaysia videos here so you get to see how much my video work has tighteneed up in last 10 months. Of course there’s still massive room for improvement, but I’m actually doing a solid job this time instead of scrambling together something and only reaching halfway my target.
Now that said, I still did some mistakes. I forgot to shoot anything to have the kind of intros and outros my recent videos have had, or at least couple of them. This is definitely something I wanted to do and will do in the upcoming videos. I just have to keep my camera with me, even though I’m kind of against that kind of travelling – you know, living your life through camera lens. Actually would make a great topic for a blog post on tomorrow.
Another mistake, or rather a “mistake” was kind of conveying that travel is bullshit. I meant that when you travel, you will have to invariably deal with bullshit. In general if you take any action you need to deal with some bullshit. I definitely don’t mean travel is bullshit. It is difficult to me, but in a good way.
It’s all about forcing yourself to push through the resistance. It’s so easy to just not do the hard stuff, or to stop doing it once you encounter resistance. But with travel, apart from just staying in your hotel or whatever there is no that choice.
Of course, everything becomes comfort zone at some time so you always have to change or intensify anything to get some resistance to push through. Resistance is what builds a strong character. For me its largely inner resistance, and many anxious people / introverts would agree.
But when you push through, force a smile on your face and shout in a park to get a video to the world, you feel pretty awesome afterwards.
Let me know what you think about the concept and the video. Am glad to get this finally started after a looot of talk.
Today’s video isn’t that valuable, but wanted to shoot something for today. I basically only tell you that you will snap awake from travel. The best thing about this video is entertainment factor of me having just woken up, but even so, it isn’t anything special.
Oh wait, wrong language again. Stupid jokes galore of late, it seems.
Anyway, today’s post is going to be very no frills, just video and no intro to it, I think you’ve seen enough of Finland and my surroundings for now. Same for tomorrow’s last video from Finland, I have to shoot it early morning to not have it disrupt on rest of my day. I will talk about how travel can cause anxiety to people like me, and how the anxiety is created in our heads.