Archive - December, 2017

Looking Back at Year 2017


I always mean to post on this blog, then I get delayed and have to postpone it a few days, then days become weeks and next I know I haven’t posted anything in months. Actually, over last two years my blog has been much quieter than it was on the two years prior. The fact that it has been 14 months since my most recent post just sums it all up.

If you already watched the video, you have some idea why I have been absent, so I don’t really delve back into it too in depth. It is however end of the year again, so it is an opportune time for doing a little bit of debriefing about the past year.

While the year definitely was a success in some measures, I also fell off the wagon in many ways, be it writing the blog, work or even my diet. To illustrate this point I cannot even do the usual numerical rundown based on my Universal Awesomeness Score tracking, cause my tracking that I so reliably did almost a decade (not in this extent but in some form) has been sporadic as best.

In other words, in that way it has been a forgettable year. On the other hand, it has been a transitional year. Everyone goes through phases and life events where the old paradigms kinda crumble and need to be shifted. Or some of them you just get disconnected with in the storms of life and need to reconnect with them. Also at the same time, it has kind of been the best year of my life by default.

Main shift of course has been becoming a father. It is of course something that is advertised as a major shift in people’s life, but for me it is less about change in day-to-day life and more about mental shift. It is something that is difficult to put in words, but I will try it at some later time. Suffices to say though that the amount of free time I have has gone drastically down and the priority of work projects has shifted down from simply trying my best to be the best dad I can be.

That is the beauty of having location independent income in the first place and making money online, shift to a very hands-on father is fairly smooth. If I had gotten used to big social life and being on the move all the time, having to take care of my baby all the time would have been bigger transition, but now it all flowed fairly smoothly. That is not to say it has been all easy, but there has been the minimal amount of friction.

While I have not been writing much at all over the last year, I do still consider writing something that is very important to me. Sometimes important things just get buried under the urgent. It is something I should have not allowed to happen, but it happened.

In lot of other things I have been transitioning my goals. My goal to be more social has not been forgotten, but I have regressed from my peak point due to becoming more of a stay-at-home family man. I went from 2012 struggling to hold eye contact with people to my peak where my strong eye contact was the key to my charisma, to now where on my worst days – as much as I hate to admit it – I sometimes just dont wanna look people into the eyes again.

Fact is I will never regress all the way back, but without consistent practice a lot of the changes wont stay. It is like going to the gym in that – you can’t just do a few week regimen and be fit forever, but you probably will stay stronger than you were.

Speaking of the gym, if there is one thing that I did progress on, it is my fitness. I cannot say for sure if I am in the best shape of my life right now, but I am definitely moving to the right direction. Despite eating too much and gaining 15 kg of weight in my close to three years in Thailand, I look better without shirt than I ever have.

With my training for the first Muay Thai fight looming in the near future, I expect this to get even better going forward.

The key takeaway of the year for me is that I need big things to drive my actions. Big, exciting goals like the Muay Thai fight. Other than that I also am still looking for the consistency in my life that has evaded me thus far.

My discipline might have wavered but I have never felt like I am far off for things to click into place.

Solving those issues so I could finally be moving forward at full speed without being stunted will be one of the main focuses of 2018.

Flow vs. Rigidity has been one of my big topics over the years, and while going with the flow works to a certain extent and for certain parts of your life, it puts a ceiling to how high you can go. Once you have to go past certain point in terms of output, you have to increase the rigidity in your life. In other words, amateurs wait for inspiration, the professionals just show up.

How engaged one can be really is the keys to progress. I yearn for those days of Spiral of Awesomeness challenge when I was fully in there, doing a lot and being engaged with it. Nowadays it seems I only have my heart fully in the things I am doing during exercise and spending time with my daughter. Other things suffer from lack of me really being there, either because I am multitasking as a necessary evil, or because I am just not excited of that said mundane task.

All of that still consumes your life, so might as well enjoy it and might as well be fully engaged in it.

I would have done some kind of look into 2017 goals, but as mentioned I have not posted anything to the blog in over a year. That is pretty sad state of affairs for a blog that used to see action pretty much once a week at its peak. Since I still believe that my peak is far away and with maturity comes more insights to share, I hope to start moving towards a peak in that too.

Blog is just the tip of the iceberg for me, so for me to be posting a lot means my life has to be in order first. There is lot to unpack and make sense in anyone’s life, especially during such a drastic transition as becoming a parent and starting a family is. So I am still figuring things out. When you have a life with many differents aspects to it, obviously you cannot move everything forward at once, or at least the odds of doing that are very low even if it not impossible. (Though ironically the momentum in one thing does feed into everything else so it is not so black and white – worth talking about in depth on a later date)

So it is no wonder that while some things are moving forward like they should, lot of things have regressed as well. That is the story of 2017 and more of less also for 2016 as well. As far as how the overall big picture is moving it is really hard for me to tell since it is sum of such subtle parts, but if the overall measure is how well I believe I could be doing and how engaged I am at an moment-to-moment basis in my life, I believe there has been significant slipping back going on in many aspects.

The evolutionary need to do as little as possible has kicked in. Fact is that in this life the ones who suppress their harmful drives best and use their positive drives to thrust them, will succeed the best. Getting some success turned out to be the enemy for me and stunting lot of my overall growth. I got too satisfied too fast when I still had a lot of growing up to do.

It is never too late to become awesome though, and even if you think you got there, it is something that has to be re-earned every day until the end of your life. You don’t get to become awesome once and just stay there forever. The moment you think you got it, that there is something inherent to you that makes you not capable of failing, is the moment when the rot has set in. The slipping back is inevitable. Despite all that gloom and doom, I do believe that it is never too late to course correct.

You have to know where you are course correcting though before you can do it though – that is the thing that I will delve into next when we hit into the goals for the next year first time since 2015. That will wait until next year though.