Archive - October, 2015

Leaning on Others

Over that past 10 months I have recorded a number of videos, but I have been engaged in procrastination of epic proportions – and as a result, these videos are yet to be posted on the blog.

Today’s video has been actually just sitting on Youtube for many months already as a hidden video. It was shot at the start of the current year while I was still in Hsinchu, Taiwan. Let’s check it out>

I am actually glad that I get to look back on lot of these videos, cause my life has changed a lot over the course of last 10 months, and it is like getting a view on my old self that had his own viewpoint that fit into his life situation and then I have my own that is also laced with many months of more experience of living based on those ideas that few months ago were in his head. This is gonna be a recurring theme as I one by one post these old videos up – this whole glut of videos I have already done has made me stop recording new ones and I will not intend to get to that until I have everything out, despite coursing with ideas for new videos.

So with all that intro, let’s talk about what I said on the video.

What strikes me in the video is how absorbed around the events involving me I am at the time of making of the video – looking back now it is easy to make connections to broader ideas.

There is no ill in leaning on others in itself – I think it is healthy to lean on others to certain extent, in fact as a social creature we are bound to do that. Hell, when you go to a restaurant you are dependent of the cooks to prepare the meal for you and for waiters to serve it. But obviously that is not what I mean in the video. I talk more in the context of relationships.

As a person in a relationship, you have to be your own individual first before you can even get started. So when you are just leaning on the other person, adopting her goals, going along with it, it is gonna wear down on the other person ultimately – that is, unless it is in the first place their wish that you just are along for the ride. However most girls do not want that, they want to be the one to be along for the ride with you – to be part of your experience, not you being part of her experience.

Which is why you have to have your own shit handled first on your own. Once you are at that point and you know what you want, then sure, you can start integrating other people in your life. I can lean on my girlfriend to do my laundry and cook for me now, and it creates a mutually beneficial relationship. A good life has lot of people you can lean on, but in the end, you have to be able to stand on your own two feet first, before two people can start propelling each other.

It is really a simple concept in the end, but when you are a young guy figuring shit out, you are bound to get it wrong. Nothing wrong with that while you mature.

I remember in my 3 things learned from 200 days of travel I recommended knowing someone local to show you around. That is form of leaning on the other person too. Am I telling you now to not do it? Contradicting myself? Well to be honest, I am still like that – if I go to a place, I would be better off being shown around by someone. In the end, it all depends from the mindset you are coming from. If it is just someone helping you to reach whatever you want to achieve, go for it. But if you do not even know what you want, even vaguely, it is not gonna be a good experience.

So in the end my overleaning pushed the person on the video away from me, it is something we will dissect more with my next video update, that hopefully will not take too long to put out.

In conclusion, stop leaning on others, be the one others lean on.